1 month, 2 months, 3 months…. and I keep counting how long since I’ve been back to the motherland for many times when I look at my phone’s screen, which said: Keep Calm and Love Boston.
It doesn’t mean I’m living in the past cuz I’m simply not. But, if someone ever asks do I miss the life in the U.S in general or Boston specifically? Yes I do, a lot. Life’s just very different there, from the smallest thing to the biggest one. However, life’s been so far so good in Saigon, I treasure and enjoy every moments of it. Friends are all around, Job is challenging in all aspects but worth trying, Family is here and always supportive to the moon, mars or whatever planet out there and back, Food is absolutely stunning, People are warm and welcoming too for a simple fact that we all speak Vietnamese and I feel better connected with them, and lastly, living conditions might be more comfortable.
So you can tell, it’s going fantastic. Until, I realized something, maybe it’s not really that great as I think. Here’s why: On a random night, having a chat with a friend, who’s living in Toronto and the one that I’m close with, telling her about all about the wonderful things above and expecting she would be happy considering moving back as well. Nah, all she did was to ask a million-dollar question “Are you really enjoying your life or are you just feeling comfortable?”. It struck me to come up with a response cuz I couldn’t at all.
Back in the day, we used to talk a lot when I was in Boston, thou we didn’t live in the same city or even country. We talked about how hard we’re studying, how tough our mentalities have to be to survive, compete and thrive, how our lives and inner thoughts have changed since we moved to a different land. In other words, we shared our struggles and problems to remind each other that we all have strong purposes in life and we live to our fullest to do whatever it takes to get there.
I still remember when I decided to move back, she said “I’m afraid you might forget all the struggles we had cuz life is easier there for you and you’ll enter your comfort zone without noticing it. Simply put, not trying as hard as you have done”. Of course, I didn’t take it seriously, was buried in other thoughts and the outlook of flying back.
You can say I’m paranoid and nerdy, but I used to spent 15-16 hours just for studying, doing things alone and things that scared the hell out of me in one or two year straight cuz I was so obsessed with the fact that I have so little time, I have to keep improving myself, I must do something that add values to myself everyday. It’s freaking true that I’m no longer doing something like that. Am I in my comfort zone? Am I stop trying as hard as I was to improve myself? Am I happy with my life cuz it’s much easier?. Those questions keep popping up in my head. Ever found yourself in such situation?
I still don’t have all the answers but I know one thing for sure, there’s always been a battle inside of me fighting to live an easier life and to struggle to be better. My life’s game is quite different cuz I’m not at school anymore. I know I’m still trying hard but maybe not in the way that I used to be. Told myself it would take a little more time for me to completely set my mind to what’s going on, what’s next and what’re life and people gonna throw at me.
And of course, I can’t say how much I appreciate the question from that friend. I don’t typically mind what others have to say about me and the way I choose to live my life. But sometimes, you will come to realize: a true friend is not just about the fun !